I am not doing my job!

Every day that I skip a run, I just get so mad at myself and regret not going. Then the more I get mad at myself, I get upset and it brings me down and into a funk. The only way to cure the "down" feeling I have is to go for a run...which I skip. It's this vicious cycle. I don't know what has gotten into me this last week. I've been so moody, so grumpy, so upset. I can cry at pretty much anything. My students are on my nerves, my husband is on my nerves, I need someone to come clean my house, and I need someone to run with.

Normally, I can really only rely on myself to be my own workout partner. I hate relying on other people because it ticks me off when they cancel or have excuse after excuse. I'd like to find a running partner, but am not even sure where to look. I'd like to find someone who is more on my level as opposed to much faster or slower than I am. Plus, if I run with someone (like my sister) who runs a faster pace than me, I feel like I am holding her back. If I run with someone slower than me, I feel like they're holding me back. So it's easier just to trust myself to hold me accountable. So what happens now when I am not doing my job?!

I have zero excuses today. I AM going to the gym right after work. I have my gear right beside my desk. My footpod is attached to my shoe already. I haven't even used it yet! I know I only bought it so that I can use it when I use the treadmill at the gym and I've been running outside lately. But it's just sitting on my shoe waiting to be used.

I've been reading some inspirational quotes while I wait to have lunch then go with the 7th graders on the Prisoner Presentation. I need to find something or someone to really speak to me. I need to read or hear something that just pushes me over the edge. Something that screams, "THIS IS IT!" I can look in the mirror and see why I need to workout. I can put on my clothes or take them off and know that I need to workout in order to lose this weight I am carrying around. But sometimes that just isn't enough for me. Sometimes that sparks the "funk" that makes me feel so down that I don't run. I want out of this vicious cycle. I want to rewind two weeks and feel the runner's high again. I want to put on my tennis shoes and feel the burn in my legs as all of my troubles melt away for an hour.

I'm searching for "it"...