Finally

Finally. Makenna is finally sleeping through the night. After 9 months of miserable pregnancy "sleep" and 10.5 months of sleeping and waking with a nursing newborn, I can finally sleep all night long without a baby in my bed. I probably just jinxed myself. But I feel like it is worth celebrating. She has slept all night Monday-Thursday this week. I am hoping that she keeps this up. She is also a lot more independent now. Don't get me wrong, she still follows me around saying "MaaaMaaaMaaa", but she is finally starting to play more independently. But with that comes a price. She loves getting into the cat food, cat water, eating things off the floor, and chewing on cords. She is destructive inquisitive. At daycare, they say she just plays by herself and gets into stuff. 

At her 9 month check up, she was 15 lbs 15 oz which is 10th percentile. She is just itty bitty. People always comment on her size and her blonde hair. She is still nursing, but loves food. She eats "people food" at home, but eats baby food at daycare since they aren't allowed to feed her anything else until she is 12 months old. She says "MaaMaa" and "Dada" in the correct way. She waves and says "bye", but it sounds more like "bah". She just recently started clapping! She also likes to drop things and go attempt to say "uh oh". She is still a snuggle buddy.

Brynlee is an early bird. She has been waking up between 4-5am every day. I don't know WHY. She just does. At her 4 year check up last month (little late), the pediatrician told her to get up and potty then stay in her room. Ever since then, she just wakes up to use the restroom then goes back to her room. She has a step stool by her light so she can turn it on. She reads books or plays on her iPad. She recently started getting dressed, putting on her shoes, and brushing her teeth as well. WHAT?! It does make my mornings much easier, LOL. At her 4 year check up, she was 35 lbs 6 oz and 40 inches tall. She's a little under the 50% for both categories. She's ahead in many areas. She writes her name very well. She also has the memory of an elephant...yay. Can't put anything past that one. She is still in dance. For the fall, we added jazz! She goes on Wednesday nights. She has tap, ballet, then jazz. So far, jazz is her favorite. DAMN, the costumes are expensive though. But it is worth it to see her do something that she really enjoys and is good at!

Here's some pictures of my little boo thangs:

Those girls. I am lucky. <3

Tired.

Lately I have had multiple people ask me, "What's wrong?" and tell me they are concerned about me. I have had well-meaning friends private message, text message, and call me to express concern. I, of course, never want my friends and family to worry about me so I figure this will be a good way to let everyone know "what's wrong".

I'm tired. The end. Just kidding.

1.) Makenna. It's hard adjusting to having a "new" baby after having just Brynlee for 3.5 years. Brynlee is very independent (always has been). Makenna is...not. Brynlee had no issues with sleeping. I thought maybe I forgot what it was like when Brynlee was a baby, but she was super easy. Makenna has to be held and snuggled. She's also a very light sleeper. I have to do ninja moves to get away from her once she is asleep. Makenna is still nursing multiple times a night. I am tired of people suggesting that I just give her formula. I am tired of people offering advice. I don't ask for it so don't give it. She was waking up once around 3-3:30am to "dream feed". Then she started sleeping until around 5am multiple times a week. She stopped and is back to waking up multiple times. Brynlee would (and still does) play alone a lot. She was content to sit in her pack 'n play surrounded by toys or play on her play mat. Makenna just recently (last week) started to sit on her play mat by herself and fiddle with toys. Makenna has to be able to see me at all times. Brynlee is starting to feel neglected. It makes me sad because I don't want her to feel that way. Last night she begged to sleep in my bed as I was literally fighting Makenna to go back to sleep. I had a gazillion things to do before I could go to bed. Brynlee started crying and said that I always snuggle Makenna and never snuggle her. It broke my already emotional, overwhelmed heart. I had both girls in my bed last night. I woke up with a crick in my neck. Tired. I am tired.

2.) I am not working out. I feel so much better when I am working out, but I cannot seem to find the energy to get up and do it. If I am going to work out, it is going to have to be before work in the mornings. I work at 7:30am. So I need to get up at 4:45am in order to feed the baby, pump if needed, and get three girls ready in order to leave the house by 5:50am to get the girls to daycare at 6:00am. Then head to work to get to work by 6:15am so that I can get to the gym and start working out at about 6:30am. It's just not happening. I mean well. I try. I pack my gym bag. Lay out everything I will wear to work out. Then my alarm goes off after waking up with the baby and I just want to die. I feel like I will do better once the baby is sleeping longer stretches. I would work out in the evenings, but that is Makenna's worst time and I am the only one who can manage to settle her. Tired. I am tired.

3.) Work. I can't go into too much here and I don't really like to post about work on my blog. But it is stressful. I am the only "original" person who started the program two years ago. Friday is my two year anniversary with this agency. I am working with all new people. Out of three positions at my work site, we've had 6 people in the other two positions. I am working with our second Funds Coordinator (about to be third). Then we just expanded our program and hired three new positions as well. Our Director is new and I am working with my THIRD program manager. There are new unrealistic metrics, tons of changes, daily reporting of duties, and a lot of micromanagement that I am just not used to. I am the type who does my job. I do what I have to do to the best of my abilities. I pride myself on my work ethic and doing whatever I can to get my job done. But nothing is ever the same around here. My program is also not good at slowly rolling out changes. They just bombard you with a ton of changes at once and want everything implemented. We have way too many "how are you feeling" meetings that are just time wasters. All of the extra meetings take away from my daily duties with my clients. I was offered a "promotion" that has not happened. Before I rant too much, I'll leave it at that. Tired. I am tired.

4.) Family drama. Half of my already small family is not speaking to each other. There's five of us. You would think a family who already lost an important family member (my dad) would pull together and have a strong bond. No, apparently that is too much to ask. 3,534 people died in car crashes in Texas in the year 2014. 3,534. That's a lot. I would hate for something to happen to one of us and this be the way we go out. It's taking a toll on me. Again, I won't post too much here. Tired. I am tired.

5.) Friendship. I've always had close friends. Best friends. This is a piece that is missing for me. Yes, I have friends. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I miss having the types of girlfriends who I can call at any time. Friends who just come over and hang out. Friends who lean on me and let me lean on them. I feel like I am bottling up a lot of the stress I am under. I don't have anyone to talk to. I know friendship changes in adulthood especially with kids. But that doesn't change the fact that I feel like a big piece of my life is missing. These days, I feel like I have to find friends who have husbands who will get along with my husband. That's too much pressure, haha! I joined a book club with other Moms. I went to the first meet up and the first monthly meeting. Since then, we've had things to do on Book Club night that have prevented me from attending. I really want to go and hopefully connect with some of the Moms. I miss my college friends. I am lonely. Tired. I am tired.

These are the main areas in my life where I am currently struggling. I feel like I can't get it all together. So the next time you wonder why I am not smiling or why I seem frustrating, just know that I am tired.

Updates on Brynlee

Brynlee has grown so much in so many ways. She has a huge personality. She is full of sass. It can be SO frustrating. I see so much of myself in her. She is so smart and funny. She's sensitive and caring. She is so motherly. She will be 4 (!!) in 3 months. She tells me things all the time like, "I don't like broccoli because I am 3. When I turn 4, I will like broccoli." Where she gets these things, I am unsure. :)

Brynlee started dance class in February. She takes a combo ballet/tap class for 30 minutes and then a 30 minute tumbling class right after. She LOVES it. There's only about 5 girls in the class, ages 3 and 4. She has a dance recital on June 6th. I hope that she dances and doesn't get too shy. I can't wait to see her dances. The parents don't watch their dance classes because the girls don't participate as much if the parents are watching. So I haven't seen her dance yet. Their costumes just came in and I cannot wait to see her dance around in them. Their ballet song is, "We Are The Dinosaurs". I don't have a good picture of the costume, but it has a ruffle butt! :) Her tap song is, "Never Smile At A Crocodile" from Peter Pan. Joey took her to dance last week and sent me this picture of her in her crocodile costume! ::wub::

I love holidays because I love buying holiday outfits and dresses. Brynlee wears dresses often, but not big party dresses. I found this gorgeous purple dress (her favorite color) on clearance at Target. She couldn't wait to wear it. Then I just paired it with a simple white cardigan and found the bow at Wal-Mart, also on clearance. :) I love that she still lets me dress her up. She will wear whatever I lay out for her. Sometimes she has something specific she wants to wear or I will hold up two items and have her choose one. But for the most part, she just lets me dress her up. She's pretty easygoing. I took a few snap shots of her over Easter in her fancy dress. At first, she just wanted to show off her dress as if she was going to the ball or something. So I asked her to just stand there and this is the face I got...

HAHAHA! She is a mess. Then I told her I was going to send that mean muggin' face to her grandparents so she started laughing. I love getting pictures of her natural smile.

I bought some curlers and it took forever to curl her long hair! But it's so pretty and it stayed for a while. She is cursed with my straight hair. I was surprised the curl turned out great. :)

When I was on leave, I had Brynlee home with me as well. Some days, it was hard. I would be up all night with a baby and then up early with my early bird. But she did great. Sometimes she would wake up, get her iPad, and just lay in bed and watch videos or play games. I don't mind her using the iPad frequently because she has a good mix of educational and just fun. She loves the game where she traces letters. This girl loves the alphabet. She loves to sing. She loves to dance. She is such a charmer. She was SO helpful to me when I was on leave. I took her on a date to Starbucks one day. I got her a hot chocolate. She did NOT like it. She tried it and it was hot (I warned her). Then once it cooled down, she still wouldn't try it even though I told her it wasn't hot anymore.

She looks so grown up! We are growing out her bangs and I think that makes her look even older. *tear* She's such a diva, too.

She tells me every day that she loves Makenna. She was having a hard time at daycare because she wanted to go see her sister every day multiple times a day. I mean, she was at home with her for 12 weeks and now they are separated for 9 hours a day. She had a hard time adjusting. I was glad to hear that her daycare teachers would let her see her sister (not every time though). We finally agreed that she can see her sister ONCE a day. She also goes with me in the morning to drop Makenna off in the nursery so she hugs and kisses her then. And I always pick up Brynlee first so she can go with me to get Makenna. She loves it. She sings to her. She shows her different toys. She talks to her all the time. She loves snuggling with her. I love the way Brynlee loves her. I hope they forever have a strong bond and relationship.

We recently had some storms and lost power. As we sat in the dark, Brynlee played on her iPad. She could only play certain games since we didn't have the internet. I didn't get a picture because my phone was dead, but she fell asleep face first on her iPad. It was hilarious. Then the next night, I go to take a shower and come out to find this...

That girl is so easy to put to bed. Most of the time, she puts herself to bed, lol. Here's a picture of Brynlee and her Daddy (pre-shave) over the weekend. It was a gorgeous day so we were sitting outside eating tacos with friends.

I love this girl.

Night and Day

Brynlee and Makenna are like night and day. Night and freaking day.

Brynlee was such an easy baby. She had this harmless habit of being fine wherever she was. She was great in the car. She didn't cry in restaurants or anywhere really. She didn't throw up after eating. She was content sleeping in her bassinet beside my bed until she started to move too much. Then she was content sleeping in her crib (even though that was more work for me to get up to feed her). She slept really well until she cut her first teeth at 8 months and again at 9 months, but was totally fine when she cut four molars at once. She could sleep through anything and everything. She was a cuddly little love bug.

Makenna is sweet. I love that little love bug to death. I do. But she is a high maintenance baby! She is super gassy. For a few weeks, she threw up almost every feeding. Not a little bit. A lot. Thankfully, that has stopped. She does not like to lay down. She is very nosy so she wants to sit up and look around. At first, she hated the swing. Luckily, she tolerates it now. She hates the car. HATES THE CAR. Aren't babies supposed to fall asleep in the car or something? She hates it and screams almost every time we're in the car. Thankfully, she has not been screaming in the mornings on the way to daycare this week. I am sure it is because she falls back asleep since it is early in the morning. I'll just admit that I bedshare with her because it is MUCH easier for me to just nurse her in bed in the middle of the night and go back to sleep afterward as opposed to having to go to her room and do everything that way. I feel like I sleep better this time compared to when Brynlee was itty bitty. This girl is a light sleeper though. If I wake up to use the restroom or switch sides, she typically wakes up or at least stirs around and fidgets. Oh, she fidgets a lot. She always seems on edge and as if she doesn't know how to relax. It can get frustrating when you just want to cuddle her.

But oh boy, her smiles. Her smiles are so sweet. She loves being talked to and I love talking to her. She is a Mama's girl. I love it. :)

Here's a picture of both girls at 2 months old. They have similar features. You can't tell because of the lighting of Brynlee's picture, but their complexions are completely opposite. And of course, Brynlee was born with a 2 year old's amount of hair while Makenna was born with an old man's head of hair. :)

Oh, my girls. I love them. <3 My heart is so full...and so is my schedule.

My boss showed up at my office 2 hours early today and I was updating my blog. This was my face...

First day back to work

Yesterday was my first day back to work. Makenna didn't sleep well Sunday night so I was tired, but I honestly didn't feel it until about 7pm last night. Then exhaustion set in by 8pm. I have no idea how I did it, but I managed to drop them off on time and get to work on time. I didn't cry when I dropped them off at school. I know that is a surprise since I've teared up randomly for a couple of weeks just thinking of going back to work. I think I felt better about it because Brynlee is there. Even though she doesn't interact with Makenna all day, I just feel better knowing that she is there, too. It also helps that it's not a new daycare that I am taking her to. Minus her 12 weeks off, Brynlee has been at this daycare since August 2013. We haven't had any issues with teachers or students. So I can feel comfortable knowing that my girls are in good hands. Work actually went by quickly since I spent the day catching up with my temp about my students, reading their case files, and pumping.

I hate pumping. I am still very much in the "must pump or feed baby every 3-4 hours" stage or my boobs will be on the verge of exploding. Truth. There's a sign on the bathroom mirror at work that says there's a lactation room on campus and who to contact. I go down to Health Services and they walked me up to the lactation room. Check out these digs!

It's a private room with badge access only. It's a nice setup. There's an empty, clean fridge for storing milk. There's a microwave, sink including dish soap to clean pump parts, hot water, and a ice/water machine. There's two super comfy chairs with a large divider in the middle. It's nice! I used it twice yesterday and was the only one in there both times. It's very relaxing and quiet as well. It sure beats pumping in a closet or a bathroom as some women have to do. Yuck.

Both girls had a good report for their first day. Brynlee walked in to daycare and when she saw Ms. B (her favorite former teacher who is now the infant room teacher), she shouted, "WE'RE BACK!" LOL. She said she didn't get in trouble and her teacher said she had a great day. Makenna did what all infants do: eat, poop, play, and sleep. She did have a poop explosion though. Ms. B said she wasn't fussy and only cried when she was getting her diaper changed. That girl HATES having her diaper changed.

I didn't get tired until I got home. As soon as I got home, the baby was hungry. I had to get Brynlee a snack because I knew I wasn't going to be starting on dinner any time soon and honestly didn't want to hear her ask for snacks every 5 seconds. I started a load of laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, and started dinner while also juggling the baby. We're working on eating healthy as both Joey and I want to lose weight. We had baked lemon tilapia, green beans, blue cheese asparagus, and a little brown rice. I am not a big fish fan, but I do like basa which is a very non-fishy fish. I figured I'd try tilapia as Joey said it's also a non-fishy fish. Nope, I took a few bites and didn't really like it.

Brynlee doesn't like asparagus. I've never met a kid who does. But she ate all of her fish, green beans, and rice. Then she asked for more so she ate the rest of my fish and more green beans. That kid loves green beans. I am glad she likes fish. It's better than her eating mac and cheese or peanut butter and jelly.

After dinner, I really started dragging. I went to take a shower while Joey loaded the dinner dishes. Then I gave the girls a bath. I wanted to just pass out, but I still had so much to do. I nursed the baby and she fell asleep. As soon as I put her down, she woke up. Go figure. So I carried her around while I put the laundry in the dryer and got everything ready for the next day: getting my pump parts washed and the bag loaded, prepping tonight's dinner, getting Makenna's bottles and milk ready, laying out the girls' clothes. Exhaustion. I went to bed at 9:30pm. I am pretty sure I fell asleep quickly.

Luckily, Makenna slept better last night. She barely woke up around 1am, looking for food. She ate quickly and we both were back asleep. She woke up again right before 5:30am and ate again. I got up at 6am and here I am...another day at work.

Better go pump. And because babies are cute...

Updates!

As always post baby, I slack on updating. I'll just do a quick run down. I do plan to get back to regular blogging soon. It's easier once I am back at work and on a consistent schedule.

So the first update would be: we had our second little girl. She's just adorable. Makenna was born 12/23/14 at 5:03pm. She was 7 lbs 5 oz and 20 inches long. Here's a few pictures of her and big sister.

I'll post more about her this coming week.

Secondly, thanks to nursing, I am down 22 lbs. I was down about 26 lbs, but my sweet tooth was OUT OF CONTROL. Luckily, that seems to have calmed down now. Joey is now on board to lose weight so it should be "easier" to make healthy choices to both lose weight.

Third, I have wonderfully fabulous news. As I've posted about, I had gestational diabetes with both pregnancies. Doctors advice mothers who have a history of GD to get tested yearly as having GD increases a woman's chances of developing Type 2 diabetes. After I had Brynlee in 2011, I did the glucose test again at 6 weeks post partum and was cleared of diabetes. In 2012, I did the test again at my yearly well woman check. My results came back in the "pre-diabetic" range. I didn't do the test in 2013. In March 2014, I had my ac1 checked by my PCP. Again, it came back in the pre-diabetic range. When I got pregnant in April, I went ahead and told my OB about my history of GD and about my recent ac1 results. So at 12 weeks pregnant, I saw a high risk OB and went ahead with the 1 hour glucose test. I failed. I opted to skip the 3 hour (as I already knew it'd come back as failed) and went ahead with all that comes with diabetes: carb counting and finger pricking. My high risk OB was very impressed with my numbers at each appointment. At my six week check up, my OB wanted me to come back the next week and do the 2 hour glucose test as it is more accurate than just doing the ac1 blood draw. I got my results back: normal, no signs of diabetes or pre-diabetes. You have no idea how happy this makes me. It motivates me even more to make sure that my results are never back in the diabetic range.

Fourth, I go back to work on Monday. WAAAAHHHH. Well, I have mixed feelings about it. Obviously I HAVE to go back as we just can't really afford to live on one income. Plus, I enjoy working outside of the home. I was actually supposed to go back to work on 3/23, but asked my boss if I could come back on 3/16 (just a week early) because of the way our paychecks run. We are paid on the 22nd for days 1-15 and on the 7th for days 16-end of the month. So if I go back to work on the 16th then I will get paid a full paycheck as opposed to half. First, most of the USA pays little to NOTHING for maternity leave. I did use all of my personal/sick/vacation time (had to) for maternity leave as well as 6 weeks of short-term disability that paid me 60% of my salary. So I have had a little bit of time where I haven't been paid. So that's the main reason I am going back a week early. I have enjoyed being home with the girls, but Brynlee needs to be back in school. She's already been gone for 3 months and I know I don't do everything with her that she does at school. I have had my hands full with Makenna. But I didn't want Brynlee to feel like she isn't important and that I didn't want to spend time with her. I think she mostly enjoyed being home with her mommy and sister.

I promise to update more often. I know I only have one or two people who read my updates, but I don't want to leave them hanging. ;)