How I wish, How I wish you were here...

As the time gets closer and closer to have my very own daughter, I really miss my Dad. I have a really hard time "blogging" about him because I always end up crying. I am sure it will be even harder with all of these pregnancy emotions and hormones running through my body. 

It's been almost 10 years (October 26, 2001) since he passed. Father's Day is always really hard for me. For Mother's Day, we bought 4 Mother's Day cards: My mom, Joey's mom, Joey's step-mom, and Joey's Nana. Then I received a bunch of "First Mother's Day" cards as well. But for Father's Day, we bought for Joey's Dad, Step-Dad, and Papa, but I don't have my own Dad to buy for. That makes me sad. To be honest, when I was choosing a Father's Day card for Joey, I was looking for a card that I would give my Dad if he were here. It made me feel a little better...and then even worse.

I know that he would be really excited for me and Joey and I also know that he'd really like the man I fell in love with. I really think they'd get along really well. I'm also pretty sure Joey would make fun of my dad because he always liked Zimas, LOL. When I buy baby outfits that say anything about Grandpa, it makes me sad that they aren't referring to my Dad. I know I'll get to tell Brynlee all about him, but I don't even have many pictures to show her. 

I just can't help but think about all of the things he has missed out on over the years and not only with me, but with my siblings. He's missed tons and tons of birthdays, 4 high school graduations, 2 college graduations, "big kid" jobs, moving to new cities, 3 weddings, first homes, countless holidays, too many dinners, and just hanging out with his kids. Soon he will miss out on the birth of my first child and his first grandchild.

I always notice different things that Joey and his siblings get from his parents and grandparents. Brynlee will be able to pick up on all of those things from her Dad's side of the family, but she will miss out on those things from my side. I'll be able to show her that my skin and hands are noticeably similar to my mom's and that my skin color definitely comes from her as well. She won't be able to see my dad in person and see that I look so much like him. This big honking nose with a huge bump? Yep, comes from my Dad. These high cheekbones? Yep, Dad had 'em, too. Crazy blood veins? Yeah, Dad again! I will be able to tell her about going to the lake in my Dad's boat, him teaching me how to play softball, and the first time I ever went deer hunting. I'll have stories about being country bumpkins and four-wheelers, go-carts, and the dock Dad built us out at the "tank".

Brynlee will definitely hear about her Grandpa, but it'd be much better if he were just here.