Friendship

"A good friend is a connection to life, a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world." -Lois Wyse, Author

I like to think that I am a nice, fun person, but I have a hard time making (good) friends as an adult. Everyone is busy. Everyone has their own lives, jobs, kids (or not), and other friends. It was easy to make friends before adulthood set in. It seems like as adults, friends are placed into categories. Such as work friends, church friends, mom friends, kid-less friends, concert friends, college friends, high school friends, sports/activities friends, bar friends, relative-friends, etc. It's hard to mix the groups because then you are mixing people who may or may not have things in common. This often leads to disaster. Sometimes it's best to keep the friendship groups separate. Why is it so difficult to make and keep good friends as an adult? It wasn't this hard until after college!

I've had some really great friends in my 28 years. I grew up with great friends. I met great friends when I moved to a new place after my Dad died. I met lifelong friends in college. I am one of those people who reminisces, who misses my friends when we don't see or speak to each other often. I've also lost plenty of friends. Maybe we live too far apart, maybe we are at different points in our lives, perhaps there was a big fight, maybe the friendship was one-sided. Every friend I've had, I cherish in some way for very unique reasons.  Every friend has taught me something. As an adult, most of my friends I have met through my jobs. I have been lucky and that some of these people have become my really good friends. Some of them I don't see often. Some of them I don't speak with often, but they are still my friends. I just hate when really good friends turn into acquaintances. In my opinion, your true friends should be there for you through all stages of your life even if your stages don't match up. I lost a best friend because we were in different stages of our lives. This friend no longer wanted to be friends with me. I was crushed, devastated, destroyed. This is a friend who I had known for many years and been through so much together. This is a friend who I talked to daily through phone, email, and text. This is a friend who I loved, appreciated, and respected. We lost touch for a long time. We did start to talk again, but it is not the same. We don't speak often and we haven't spoken on the phone once since we came back in contact. We're more like acquaintances now instead of best friends. I miss this friend. What happens to these friendships? Are they just gone? Can you fix them? Are they worth the extra work?

One thing I hate is that I always seem to make friends with flaky people. I don't know why. I'm not flaky. I mean, obviously sometimes you have to cancel for various reasons and I am guilty of that, but I seem to make friends with people who ALWAYS cancel. It really bothers me. It makes me feel as though I am not important enough to these people. I try to weed out friendships like this, but it seems as though this type of person is always drawn to me. Maybe I put off a vibe that says, "WALK ALL OVER ME!" I don't think I do. I'm a pretty strong person, but I must be doing something wrong to keep attracting this type of friend!

As a married adult, it's hard to make friends with uncoupled people. Joey and I don't have to do everything together, but there are times that we want "couple friends" and I know other married couples who feel the same way. It's fun to go out with another couple without kids. It's also fun to have other couples over with their kids. "Couple friends" can be difficult though. What if Joey's friend's wife doesn't like me (or we don't have anything in common)? Or maybe my husband doesn't like my friend's husband and vice versa? That can really put a strain on a friendship! I have a friend who I adore. My husband really likes her husband as well. Her daughter is the same age as Brynlee and they are so cute when they play together. We don't see them that often since we live about 1.5 hours from each other. I also know that I can hang out with her with just the kids and I know that I can hang out with her with just the two of us. That's the kind of friendship I love. We have a lot in common, but we are also different in many ways. Yet we seem to have this bond. <3

I know TV shows are just made up, but I am always jealous when I watch a show where a woman has a group of girlfriends (Hello Sex and the City) to call and hang out with. I don't currently have that, but have always longed for that type of friendship with a close knit small group of women. 

I have one amazing, wonderful best friend who I can lose touch with for many months and then call her and it feels as though we are still good as new. We just spend the time on the phone catching up instead of questioning why we went so many months without speaking. We don't see each other often. We actually haven't seen each other since January 2013 for her daughter's first birthday party. We're 5 hours apart so making the time and travel arrangements to see each other can be difficult. She's one of those people that I will always love. I know I could call her with something small or something big and she'd listen and be there for me. She knows I'd return the favor. The only thing that would make this friendship better would be closing the distance between our cities! :)

To be honest, I feel like social media has drastically impacted friendships. Instead of making an effort to remember people's birthdays, Facebook tells you. Instead of calling a friend, you look at their Facebook/Twitter/Instagram page. Instead of sending a handwritten letter, party invitation, birthday/congratulations/condolences card, you send a message or invitation via Facebook. Don't get me wrong, I love social media sites. I love being able to see pictures my friends post and just check in with them whenever I want, but I miss old fashioned friendships. I miss talking on the phone for hours at a time (who has time for that with a toddler around) with my friends. I miss meeting up to really know everything going on in your friends' lives. I miss having a glass of wine over dinner with friends. I miss the face-to-face interaction of friendships.

On the other hand, I love social media. I am part of a "Mommy board" that has moved our group to Facebook for easier communication. I've known most of these women for almost 4 years now. We all started talking because we were pregnant at the same time. There's about 50+ "regular" members of the group. Sure, I don't consider all of them friends and there's a few that I don't like at all (and they don't like me). But a few of them I consider lifelong friends. Some of them I've never met and maybe never will (one of my favorites lives in New Zealand), but we're friends nonetheless. My husband makes fun of me when I talk about my mommy group friends. He always says, "Oh you mean your ONLINE friends...they aren't your friends", etc. They are my friends though. They were there for me through pregnancy, the birth of my child, the year Joey was so sick, moving to a new city, my extensive disappointing job search, and much more. They listen. They offer advice. We joke, we laugh, we share. They are my friends.

The point of this post is this: when you meet good friends, cherish them. Put in the effort to grow and nurture your friendships. Call your friends. Send a card. Remember their birthdays without Facebook reminding you. Sit down for dinner together. Be there for each other during all stages of your lives. And most importantly: Love Each Other.