A much needed vent

I honestly don't ever use my blog as a place to vent or complain, but something troublesome has been weighing on my mind for a long time now. I feel as though I have to get it out before I explode and say things that I may regret someday. This post may offend some. This post may get a lot of "AMENS!" from some and a lot of hurt feelings from others. But honestly, this post comes from my heart and isn't that what blogs are for?

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say that daycare raises children. Daycare does not raise children. Joey and I are her parents. We raise Brynlee. We parent her. Daycare helps children to learn and grow. Does that mean that I don't read to my child? I don't teach her manners? I don't teach her respect, discipline her, encourage her, and motivate her to grow into a productive and respectable human being? I don't sing to and with her? I don't feed her? Spend time with her? Love her? Snuggle her? No, I don't do those things because I am a horrible Mom who sends my child to daycare to be raised my someone else.

I've said a thousand times over the last 4 years that the hardest thing a working Mom has to do is trust someone else to watch her child while she works. It's hard to trust someone else to love and care for your child while you earn money to pay for the needs and the wants. It's hard to choose a daycare provider. It's hard to decide between in-home vs daycare facility. It's so difficult to make sure you choose the right place. It's even harder when your child is too young to talk and can't tell you if there's something amiss. Choosing daycare is one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make in my 3 years of being a parent.

Brynlee has pretty much been in daycare since she was 6 weeks old. Why? Because not only do I have to work, but *gasp* I enjoy using the college degree I worked hard for. We have bills. We have things we like to do and things we like to buy. We are a two income family and we like it that way. Does that mean that I like having my daughter in daycare? No. I cried for days leading up to going back to work for the first time after she was born. I only had 5 weeks off from work and most of that was unpaid. I had to take my itty bitty new baby to someone else's house every morning and let that person (who I love very much) snuggle my baby, feed my baby, change my baby, and love my baby. When Brynlee was around 12 months old, our provider bought a house and would be moving outside of town. It wasn't going to be convenient for us for drop-off/pick-up with work. Joey and I decided to move Brynlee to a daycare facility that was more of a learning environment with curriculum, more kids to socialize with, etc. That was a tough decision as well. We had to choose a facility and she had to adjust to it. For the first week, Brynlee cried every day when I dropped her off. Who wants to leave their child somewhere and walk away while they cry? Working moms (and dads) have to do it a lot especially during an adjustment period. I would cry almost the entire way to work. I worried that she hated it there. What if she was being mistreated? All of the fears would run through my head.

She stayed in that daycare until we moved to Fort Worth in March 2013. So she was there for about 6 1/2 months or so. As some of you may remember, it took a while for me to find a job once we moved to Fort Worth. I had numerous interviews (and second and third rounds), but didn't get a job until the end of July. So Brynlee stayed home with me for 5 months. Joey and I looked into various facilities and selected one. We toured it. We talked to the managers and the teachers. We brought Brynlee up there so she could check it out. I started my job August 5th so I started her back in daycare on August 3rd so we had a couple of days to get used to our get up early/drive to school routine. She cried screamed every day when I dropped her off. When I picked her up, she would run to me bawling and wanted me to pick her up. This lasted for 6 weeks. Six straight weeks of her crying every day at drop off and pick up. Her teachers said she would only cry for a few minutes after I left, but would cry off and on throughout the day. When other kids would get picked up, she would cry for her own Mommy. Twice during my first month of work, I picked her up at 5:58pm. Daycare closes at 6:00pm. She was one of the last kids there. Could I help that? No. I had work obligations. Did I feel like shit? Without a doubt. Does she still cry when I drop her off? No. She loves school. She loves her teachers. She tells me what she does every day, brings home pictures she scribbled on, and tells me she missed me. She knows all of her colors and body parts, both of which she has known for a long, long time. She knows her ABCs. She counts to 20, but skips 15 and 16 almost every time. She knows and sings so many songs. She talks about circle time. Every day we talk about animals and the sounds they make. She loves her friends. She's happy. I am happy. What is wrong with that?

Unfortunately, being a Mom brings out a lot of "Mommy Wars". There's so many different types of Mommy Wars that I can't even keep track. The big ones are breastfeeding vs formula, rear facing car seat vs forward facing, co-sleeping vs crib, vaccinations vs non-vaccinations. There are many, many more. My mommy board has had a few of these throughout our years together. There's a lot of SAHMs (stay at home moms) in our group, but none of them make me feel like shit for being a working Mom. None of them ridicule my choice/need to have my child in full-time daycare. None of them insult me by calling my child a "daycare child". None of them would dare say someone else raises my child. None of them make me feel like I am a bad mother for trusting someone else to care for my child while I bring income into our household. You know why they wouldn't say these things? For one reason, it's not their place to judge the choices my husband and I make for our family. Another reason is that they know that I am not a bad mother just as I know they are not bad mothers. They know that I am providing for my family and so are they. We all make a choice. If you have the choice to be a SAHM where you can still have the income to support your family then by all means, make that choice. But do not insult me for making the choice to work so our family has two incomes for our needs and wants.

It's funny because every SAHM I know says they need a break from their kids sometimes (who doesn't). They are home with their kids 24/7. Every day of the week feels the same. They cook, they clean, they take care of their children, they go to sleep, and they repeat. Sure, some of them have awesome outings, play dates, and fully packed days while others do activities at home, but the lifestyles are pretty similar. So why is it okay for a SAHM to say they need a break from their children, but working moms can't say they enjoy working and being outside of the home for 8-9 hours a day? After I work all day, I also come home to cook, clean, and take care of my child. Yes, I have a wonderful husband who does those things as well, but we all know the brunt of the household and childcare duties still fall on the mother. I would say that my husband does a lot more than other dads though. My point is that we all do the best we can do. Parenting is tough whether you are a SAHM/D or a working parent.

Why do parents (moms especially) insult and ridicule each other? Why can't everyone just realize that we're all doing the best we can with what we have. We're all making the best decisions possible for our families and no two families are exactly alike. I typically keep my mouth shut when people make stupid blanket statements especially on a public place like Facebook, but I will not keep my mouth shut when someone continuously insults me by saying my child is a "daycare child" and is being raised by someone else.

Those types of comments will not be tolerated. I will not put up with it. I will not be insulted. I will not be put down. And I sure as hell will not let my child be on the receiving end of these comments. I don't care if you're my best friend, my worst enemy, a random person I hardly know, or my family member; I do not have to nor will I choose to put up with your shitty comments. Think before you speak.