If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.-Dale Carnegie

Brynlee is 8 1/2 months now and I continue to wake up thinking she is in bed with us and that we are squishing her. Mind you, Brynlee has not slept in our room since she was 6 weeks old! I have had many "episodes" where I have woken up (I use that term loosely) and have searched for her. The thing is: I look for her in strange places. One night, I was sleep talking/walking and thought she fell off the bed. Picture this: I am down on all fours with my hand under the bed as far as it would go and thought she was under there. (She has never been under our bed!) I did this TWICE in one night. Joey woke up both times asking me what I was doing and I not-so-calmly told him that Brynlee fell off the bed and I was trying to find her. This has happened to me a lot. I semi-wake up thinking we've lost her and then I begin my search and rescue.

Last night was another one of those weird search and rescue endeavors. I was dreaming that Brynlee was trapped behind something. I think we were outside like a park or a jungle, lol. I "woke up" telling Joey that she was stuck "behind there". He asked me where and I turned on the light and pointed behind the dresser! He yelled at me that she was in her crib and to turn off the light. I did turn off the light and I got back in bed, but I laid there for what felt like forever just staring at the dresser. Also, I am really blind and definitely cannot see without my contacts so I couldn't actually SEE the dresser, but was staring in its general direction. Anyway, I do remember my heart beating fast and my pulse racing while I wondered why Joey didn't care about our daughter. Then all of a sudden, I woke up and looked at the baby monitor. I could see the green light on and then I felt a sense of peace. I really woke up, snapped out of it, and realized that she really was safe in her bed.

I can't even count the number of times I have gone to her room to make sure that she was still in there. I don't do it as often as I used to, but sometimes I just don't trust our baby monitor to alert me that someone is stealing her. Seriously. I wouldn't say that I have panic attacks, but I do wake up in these slight freak outs. A week or so ago, it stormed really badly and woke Joey and me up around 3am. I remember laying in bed praying and hoping that the storm wouldn't wake Brynlee up. She slept through the whole thing yet I lost sleep hoping she didn't lose sleep. Oh, the "life of a mommy".